Don't think that you can cop out and just be only a relater or explainer.

So each of us has a natural way we are.  Those of us that get along well with the 70 percenters or who think we are a 70percenter think we are more of a relater - we can build these relationships with people by just being around them and being ourselves.

Those among us who are more of the 30 percenters like to have those explainer conversations, and want to get to the point.  "Don't hug me, just make it worth my while to listen to you".

So the cop out is when we say, hey I am who I am, you just have to accept that in me.  I want people to like me for who I am so I want you just to experience me and think - wow, what a great guy.  If I don't match what you like, then that is your problem not mine.  That is a selfish point of view, when we are designed to reflect our creator, and He created everyone around us.  It is not appropriate for us to be making judgements on relationships based on our own personal preferences, if we have sold out to being a Christian, for example.

As a natural explainer, I actually had to develop the relater characteristic.  I am full of information and I am happy to share it with you.  I enjoy people who appreciate data.  I also am at a point in my life where I have a pretty decent bible knowledge, and I am happy to share that as well.

I have had to learn how to consider the feelings of the other person much more, and to modify my communications to be able to take things I consider knowledge and learn how to share in a way that is impactful to people who like to learn through relating.  I had to learn how to feel, and to be able to just be with people, not have to teach them something.  That is so hard with my kids, when I always believe I have information to make them better citizens, etc.

The same applies to those who see themselves as strong relaters.  Hey, if I can just walk a mile in your shoes, and we can connect through feelings, then I have done all I need to do.  Unfortunately, that is not all there is to relationships.  You need to be able to converse intelligently.  You need to know stuff about what is going on in the world.  You can't just model Christianity, you have to be able to explain what you believe.  Being a good relater is no excuse for not learning the details!

I have a very good friend who lives in England.  He is a very intelligent person that I respect greatly.  We have had great business discussions, talks about life, etc.  He is also an atheist.  He was very interested in talking about what I believed, and he could argue for hours refuting what I believed.  I found it a great challenge to be able to state my positions with intelligence.  This went on for years, and I realized that although I was explaining well to him, I was not relating it to my life in a meaningful way.

When I said that he was just going to have to accept that I believed on faith, and that I wished it was something he could believe but it is obviously not, he was perplexed.  He could argue with facts, but he couldn't argue with me describing my relationship and faith.  It also kept me from the futility of arguing with someone who didn't want to believe.

Jesus did that several times in his ministry.  Often when the Pharisees (the 30 percenters of his day) would challenge him on facts from scripture, he would just cut them off with a quick response - not wasting his time debating those closed to relating.  Something worth learning for us explainers and relaters.