How do Wisdom and Selling go together?

Welcome to Wisdom Selling. So if you are like me, you are always wanting to learn more. Well here is the deal about selling. It is the desire to exchange something you have, for something of more value to you. You may have an idea, a product, a service which people will want to pay for, allowing you to make a profit. You have to seek out people who might want it, and convince them it is worth the price you are charging. Or like me, you may just have a little wisdom, and are looking for someone who values it enough to want to use it. My value received in return is the joy of your feedback. So, I am selling wisdom. The cost to you, your interest. I want to help others as well. Visit the links page and shop for some good deals. Any profits on money you spend there will be used by Wisdom Selling to support non-profit businesses in developing their strategies.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Wisdom Selling enewsletter - Volume 1 Issue 3

Christmas is almost here, and with this holiday comes a time of reflection on a year gone by.  More importantly, though, with the emphasis on Christ’s birth, we find ourselves in the midst of a beginning.  A renewal so to speak of what is most significant about what we believe.  In my case, it is that Christ was born of a virgin, lived a sinless life and died to restore a relationship with God that was broken by sin.

How do we relate this to Wisdom Selling?  By your considering this approach to selling, you are in some ways at a renewal – a crossroads in how you are going to position yourself and your company to WIN.  Changes will have to be made, and you must believe that the changes will be valuable enough to make them.  There will also be a cost to consider in doing something like this, whether the cost is in making the change, or in not making the change and staying where you are.

This is a great place to introduce one of the first concepts of Wisdom Selling.  This concept is one that we all inherently know, but in most cases we underutilize if we use it at all.  This concept is known as:

The Value Discount.

We will use the term value so many times in our definitions that you may become jaded to the word, but I encourage you to stay with it.  You can also visit the website www.wisdomselling.com to find how all of the value words fit together in our Wisdom Selling Diagram.  For now, let’s dig into the concept of the Value discount.  We all know what a price discount is.  We see a price on the product.  Then we see that there is a discount of some dollar amount or percentage.  We get excited that we are not paying full retail for the product or service, and believe we are getting a better deal.  We inherently assign value to the product based on the original price, and as discounts from the price are realized, we think we have received a product worth the original price.  The product has not changed, but psychologically we benefit greatly.

This has the amazing impact on some people of causing them to spend more on a product that is discounted than they would for a similar product that is full price but cheaper.  Why do you think this is?  Is there some sort of valuation that comes from where the price is set?  Do your customers believe you have set the price based on a real assessment of what the product is worth? Have you felt this way yourself?  Write down in your journal why you felt this way.

There is an amazing personal valuation going on here that we can tap into and help increase the probability of a sale.  People want to believe that the value they are getting far exceeds the price they are paying.  In the absence of a valid way to accomplish this, people will use relative pricing, as well as relative discounts to make decisions.  If two products are of equal value to you, what method are you going to use to make a decision?  The cheaper one, or the one that was higher priced but has a discount attached to it?  Tough question that retailers deal with every day.  As a result, there is often revenue left on the table due to guessing as to how the customer will respond. 

Here is a personal example of thinking about this customer psychology.  I recently wrote a book called the 70 Percent Solution.  This book is an extremely valuable resource for people who want to feel better about themselves, by using service to others.  It is a great book for sales professionals as well as people in general who want to be better communicators.  I set the price based on what I believed to be the maximum value of the message to my target audience, then added a 15% discount as an incentive to encourage those who have yet to experience the maximum value to try the product.  They will realize this value only after reading, and then my price could have been higher and I could have made more revenue.  My tradeoff decision was to provide a price discount to benefit from the psychology I discussed earlier.  This way I move more units and get my story out faster which is what I believe is most valuable to me in the long run.

Back to Value discount.  Based on the discussion above I hope you can see where we are going.  Without an alternative method of seeing value, most potential customers use price.  This creates significant competitive challenges, particularly against a competitor who has a lower price for what the customer perceives an equal product.  We must be able to show the customer the value that has been created in our product.  We must be able to do this as quantifiably as possible, but also relationally.  Our customers are going to value the economic impact of the products they buy, but they are also going to benefit from the personal feelings attached to the purchase.  As an organization, our companies must define the value that has been created by our product development and offering.

Once we have been able to put a value on the product or service and present that value to the customer, we can then discuss our pricing in terms of value discount.  In other words, even though our offering has a value of up to some point once you purchase and use, we have discounted the product so that the customer realizes extra benefits above what they pay.  As we develop the skills at value discounting, we are able to paint a picture of value that the competition will not be able to duplicate.  If we are truthful and transparent on how we calculate the value to the customer, it gives him something to communicate to his or her leadership to show the value of the decision to buy from you, even if there is a price differential.

We will continue to develop this concept as a part of the entire Wisdom Selling™ Solutions so I hope you will visit our site often and ask your questions there.  Also, consider allowing Wisdom Selling to assist you in evaluating the Value discount of your product.  Visit the website and register for a free analysis on the contact us page.

And Merry Christmas to you!

Now, to last issue’s assignment.  I asked you to select a product and conduct an analysis of who had input into the design and development of this product.  You were to evaluate how the organization as well as the customer and other influencers impacted the packaging, positioning, pricing and promoting of the product.  I hope you took the time to do so.  Now that you have this information, consider our discussion this week.  How would you say the Value in the product was developed?  By your organization, or by the customer?  Do you think it matters who is responsible for the defining of value in the product?  At Wisdom Selling, we believe the more ownership the customer has in defining and developing  the value in a product, the more ownership they are likely to have in the outcome.  In a scenario where the customer was involved, the Value discount becomes something they have earned, and it is actually a competitive advantage for you to be able to discount from value when you set the price for this customer.  You may be better off to not have a standard price, but start with a total value and discount down to the price that is the best WIN for both organizations.

Here is your Assignment for this week.

As you watch people open the gifts you have purchased for them, watch their reactions.  Try to gauge the value that they are putting on each gift.  You should be able to observe both an actual benefit to them, as well as the feelings that the gift evokes.  I hope especially that if the gift is for your significant other, feelings are maximized.

A few days after Christmas, reflect on these reactions.  In your opinion, as a purchaser of that product, did you receive the benefit you were looking for at the price you paid?  Was the sum of the benefits and the feelings worth the impact to you of the bills in January?

I believe that if you don’t find the Value to be there in your mind, you should go back and reassess the feelings side of the Christmas experience.  There are hidden values in the day, the season, and the act of giving that are part of the total value of the gift.  Don’t give up until you have a value in your mind that exceeds the costs!  The season is too important not to.  Also, by doing so, you may begin to understand just how many aspects of value there can be.  Good luck.

Wisdom Selling enewsletter - Volume 1 Issue 3

Christmas is almost here, and with this holiday comes a time of reflection on a year gone by. More importantly, though, with the emphasis on Christ’s birth, we find ourselves in the midst of a beginning. A renewal so to speak of what is most significant about what we believe. In my case, it is that Christ was born of a virgin, lived a sinless life and died to restore a relationship with God that was broken by sin.

How do we relate this to Wisdom Selling? By your considering this approach to selling, you are in some ways at a renewal – a crossroads in how you are going to position yourself and your company to WIN. Changes will have to be made, and you must believe that the changes will be valuable enough to make them. There will also be a cost to consider in doing something like this, whether the cost is in making the change, or in not making the change and staying where you are.

This is a great place to introduce one of the first concepts of Wisdom Selling. This concept is one that we all inherently know, but in most cases we underutilize if we use it at all. This concept is known as:

The Value Discount.

We will use the term value so many times in our definitions that you may become jaded to the word, but I encourage you to stay with it. You can also visit the website www.wisdomselling.com to find how all of the value words fit together in our Wisdom Selling Diagram. For now, let’s dig into the concept of the Value discount. We all know what a price discount is. We see a price on the product. Then we see that there is a discount of some dollar amount or percentage. We get excited that we are not paying full retail for the product or service, and believe we are getting a better deal. We inherently assign value to the product based on the original price, and as discounts from the price are realized, we think we have received a product worth the original price. The product has not changed, but psychologically we benefit greatly.

This has the amazing impact on some people of causing them to spend more on a product that is discounted than they would for a similar product that is full price but cheaper. Why do you think this is? Is there some sort of valuation that comes from where the price is set? Do your customers believe you have set the price based on a real assessment of what the product is worth? Have you felt this way yourself? Write down in your journal why you felt this way.

There is an amazing personal valuation going on here that we can tap into and help increase the probability of a sale. People want to believe that the value they are getting far exceeds the price they are paying. In the absence of a valid way to accomplish this, people will use relative pricing, as well as relative discounts to make decisions. If two products are of equal value to you, what method are you going to use to make a decision? The cheaper one, or the one that was higher priced but has a discount attached to it? Tough question that retailers deal with every day. As a result, there is often revenue left on the table due to guessing as to how the customer will respond.

Here is a personal example of thinking about this customer psychology. I recently wrote a book called the 70 Percent Solution. This book is an extremely valuable resource for people who want to feel better about themselves, by using service to others. It is a great book for sales professionals as well as people in general who want to be better communicators. I set the price based on what I believed to be the maximum value of the message to my target audience, then added a 15% discount as an incentive to encourage those who have yet to experience the maximum value to try the product. They will realize this value only after reading, and then my price could have been higher and I could have made more revenue. My tradeoff decision was to provide a price discount to benefit from the psychology I discussed earlier. This way I move more units and get my story out faster which is what I believe is most valuable to me in the long run.

Back to Value discount. Based on the discussion above I hope you can see where we are going. Without an alternative method of seeing value, most potential customers use price. This creates significant competitive challenges, particularly against a competitor who has a lower price for what the customer perceives an equal product. We must be able to show the customer the value that has been created in our product. We must be able to do this as quantifiably as possible, but also relationally. Our customers are going to value the economic impact of the products they buy, but they are also going to benefit from the personal feelings attached to the purchase. As an organization, our companies must define the value that has been created by our product development and offering.

Once we have been able to put a value on the product or service and present that value to the customer, we can then discuss our pricing in terms of value discount. In other words, even though our offering has a value of up to some point once you purchase and use, we have discounted the product so that the customer realizes extra benefits above what they pay. As we develop the skills at value discounting, we are able to paint a picture of value that the competition will not be able to duplicate. If we are truthful and transparent on how we calculate the value to the customer, it gives him something to communicate to his or her leadership to show the value of the decision to buy from you, even if there is a price differential.

We will continue to develop this concept as a part of the entire Wisdom Selling™ Solutions so I hope you will visit our site often and ask your questions there. Also, consider allowing Wisdom Selling to assist you in evaluating the Value discount of your product. Visit the website and register for a free analysis on the contact us page.

And Merry Christmas to you!

Now, to last issue’s assignment. I asked you to select a product and conduct an analysis of who had input into the design and development of this product. You were to evaluate how the organization as well as the customer and other influencers impacted the packaging, positioning, pricing and promoting of the product. I hope you took the time to do so. Now that you have this information, consider our discussion this week. How would you say the Value in the product was developed? By your organization, or by the customer? Do you think it matters who is responsible for the defining of value in the product? At Wisdom Selling, we believe the more ownership the customer has in defining and developing the value in a product, the more ownership they are likely to have in the outcome. In a scenario where the customer was involved, the Value discount becomes something they have earned, and it is actually a competitive advantage for you to be able to discount from value when you set the price for this customer. You may be better off to not have a standard price, but start with a total value and discount down to the price that is the best WIN for both organizations.

Here is your Assignment for this week.

As you watch people open the gifts you have purchased for them, watch their reactions. Try to gauge the value that they are putting on each gift. You should be able to observe both an actual benefit to them, as well as the feelings that the gift evokes. I hope especially that if the gift is for your significant other, feelings are maximized.

A few days after Christmas, reflect on these reactions. In your opinion, as a purchaser of that product, did you receive the benefit you were looking for at the price you paid? Was the sum of the benefits and the feelings worth the impact to you of the bills in January?

I believe that if you don’t find the Value to be there in your mind, you should go back and reassess the feelings side of the Christmas experience. There are hidden values in the day, the season, and the act of giving that are part of the total value of the gift. Don’t give up until you have a value in your mind that exceeds the costs! The season is too important not to. Also, by doing so, you may begin to understand just how many aspects of value there can be. Good luck.

ANNOUNCING - publication of our first book - the 70 Percent Solution

You can visit this website and order the book at a 15% discount.  I hope you enjoy the results of this blog in a print format.  Coming soon is The 70 Percent Solution Journal to accompany the book.


Friday, December 3, 2010

What is a WIN?

This concept will be a large part of what we discuss and learn regarding Wisdom Selling.

In summary, it is this:

W - Wants identified. 
We must understand what the customer wants.  We will investigate new as well as tried and true methods for identifying wants.  You say, "hey, every sales process uses this approach."  Really?  Ask yourself this question:  Do you know exactly what your wife and kids want for Christmas?  If you are like me, I find this varies everyday.   So our new thinking is this.  Wants are a constantly moving target, requiring a constantly moving method for identifying, validating and updating.

I - Intent revealed.
We must understand why the customer is even considering what we have to offer.  Yes, this is a fairly common sales issue, but I would like to add that buying intentions vary by purchase.  We must find strategic intent, personal growth intent, department intent, and any other influential intent that exists in the buying relationship.  This is important mainly because we don't get every sale.  To maximize the profitability of our efforts, we have to see long term how we will sell something, and apply our efforts beyond the current transaction or contract.

N - Needs met
Hey, is there anything new here?  My assertion on needs met is that most often the customer only cares about meeting their own needs.  They appreciate having their needs defined better by us, and us providing our solutions, which they may or may not buy.  However, we have needs as well.  How do we get the customer to see their responsibility, and create a desire for our needs to be met as well?  Wow, this could get pretty interesting.

These are bold assumptions on our part.  I hope we can get you to join with us in using them for success!

Welcome to Wisdom Selling Solutions

So it is Christmas shopping time.  I have enjoyed being with my wife as we have gone from store to store looking for presents for our kids.  she has set a budget for each child and I am very busy trying to overspend for each one. It is so easy to do, since they want so many electronic gadgets, each of which is more expensive than the old dolls and race cars we used to buy.

I have noticed a behavior in my wife that I believe is quite common among consumers, and which I believe is a teachable moment for all of us in sales.  She will go through a number of stores and not buy from any of them.  she will look at the items they have, then come home and get on the web.  she will scour the Wal-mart, Amazon and Best Buy sites, for example.  she will put items into her favorite search engines, looking for the best deal. 

She does not care at all who she buys from.  She just has a budget and wants to get as much as she can for it.  The more she saves, the more presents each child gets to open.  Her value is in the outcome of the search, not the products themselves.  She wants to delight her customers, and saving money, or even settling for different gifts than they said in order to have more are all on the table.

Hey, does it really matter which approach to a pitching machine we take?  Does it really matter which restaurant gift card we buy?  Does it really matter the brand of punching bag?  Not to her it doesn't.  Her satisfaction is in the deal.  She is looking for savings, for coupons, for unbranded lookalikes.  She knows the web is her friend.  There are lots of options out there, she just needs to ask the right questions.  She can learn the questions to ask merely by trolling through the stores, or even more efficiently, through the Sunday sale papers.

So we may go into a store, talk to the store salesperson for five or ten minutes, and they get nothing out of it.  Is that unfair, or just the new reality?  Is there any opportunity for that salesperson to make a sale?   What about the profit lost by the store for the time that associate is engaged with my wife, who ends up buying nothing?  Is she going to put this company out of business?  Are there enough people like her to scare these stores about the future?

Very possibly the process of answering to the questions above will lead some companies to go out of business, or abdicate the selling process, giving away their value to an on-line or aggregated substitute who sells well but has no particular supplier loyalty.

My assertion is that there is a better way.  This way is a path of wisdom, not of skill.  Not every person who needs to sell for a company has particular sales skills.  However, everyone has the possibility to be wise. That is why Wisdom Selling Solutions exist.  Wisdom is the effective application of knowledge.  We can all develop this through discipline and effort.  We just need direction, sources for knowledge, mentoring and accountability.

I have already talked to some who start to debate the value of this approach, until we get to the issues of trust and transparency.  When we see how important trust is in developing a long term WIN, then we can see how the enterprise can assist the sales process through transparency.

If Kelly had trusted the store she was in to have her best interests at heart, be willing to understand her buying motives, and sit on the same side of the table as her, they may have had a WIN together.  At the least, this would have become her greatest possibility for a future purchase.  Remember in the movie MIRACLE ON 34TH STREET how Santa Claus was working for Macy's, but recommended a customer go to their hated competition Gimbles for a better deal on a product?  Macy's management was livid, but the customers were so happy they went on television to brag about Macy's and how they would be back to buy from them in the future.  Do you think the Macy's management took advantage of this?  Of course. In the long term it was a win.

Let's WIN.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Time for a change

When you go through significant life changes, you have to take time to look backwards as well as forwards, in order to really learn anything from them.  You can't just say, off to the next thing.  You have to say to yourself, what is it about me that makes me what I am?  Is this a point in my life where I need to make a change?  Has change been thrust upon me, and do I understand why?
We often immediately begin looking for things to change about ourselves, which can create a sense of failure to this point.  However, if we are as observant of ourselves as we have become looking at the 70%, we can begin to wisely discern the difference between failure and fit.  If we do not fit our current circumstances, we have to look first at the root causes.  Is there a problem with my approach, or is there something in my character that affects my behavior in a way that is not compatible with the situation?  Is there a goal I cannot accomplish, or is there a leadership style I cannot relate to? 
All of these factors can weigh in to a need for a change.  However, they are not all bad things.  In fact, they may be God's way of direction to a new and different place. 
Now, that does not mean that you cannot have faults or issues that can force change upon you.  But in the same way the 30% can cause us to question our value, change can do the same if we are not wise and careful.  I am experiencing that right now, and find myself with a strange sense of contentment that comes with being released from a responsibility and not feeling guilty about the change, or afraid of what is next. 
This feeling is what I have been talking about that comes from being able to release the 30% from owning your emotions and confidence.  Take a shot at relating to someone new today and feel the joy of knowing that it is not your failure if there is no connection, just a learning!

Friday, October 22, 2010

Match ups in sales - Looking at each of the possible combinations of 70 : 30

So alot of my experiences with people have come in the sales arena, which I have been participating in for the last 28 years.  Granted for most of that I was a scared chicken, sort of the "you don't want to buy anything from me today, do you?" mentality.  I did not have enough self confidence to think others would want to interact much less be convinced by my presentations.  Nonetheless, I trudged on, and managed to create quite a mask in the sales role.  This mask did nothing but make it hard for me, because then I had to add behaviors that matched the confidence and aggressiveness portrayed.  These were not healthy behaviors, and my character definitely took a hit.
I had to go back to the basics of character development and get my personal act together prior to having a real change in my sales ability.  During that time I was exposed to a cool sales methodology from Wilson Learning, the Counselor Sales Approach.  It helped me deal with the idea of building trust, positioning to real needs, and supporting my offering.  In many ways, it also gave me some guidance in how to do counseling in general.  I began to flourish a little in the confidence this approach brought, and in my new positions, found myself directing the sales efforts of the organization as a whole.
Once I began to look at this approach and the need to transfer it to others, I began to see just how different the response was from different people.  People who have excellent rapport with their market already, might look at it as no real advantage, while those who were new or less comfortable with people may find it to have some real benefit.  Not only that, but I also realize that the method is not 100% foolproof in dealing with all different kinds of people, so I began to challenge it from the 70:30 rule.
Sure enough, there is more complexity to relationships than just counseling can deal with so I want to run the sales process through the funnel of different combinations and see what happens.  The next few blog posts will address the options we have in our dealings in sales.  Whatever is discussed there will have application is lots of different life roles, not just selling.  That is just the current theme.
Kudos to Wilson Learning for their approach.  In discussing these areas, there will certainly be some overlap with their program, for which I give them full credit.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

I just wanted to smack someone yesterday!

SO... when we take on this position of being a 70% solution provider, we are intent on building and relating with others.  Our expectation is that we will have their strength to be there for everyone and it will all end happily and we will feel fulfilled! 
The first problem with this thinking is internal.  The Bible says that out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.  If I cannot put into my heart quality thoughts and ideas and feelings, and have a support process to maintain these, then the quality of my heart contents will decline over time.  At that point, we are ask risk from stressful situations.  Yikes.  I have problems with this.  My inputs are not frequent enough, because I don't spend enough time focusing on the good things of life.  I also don't spend enough time in the Bible to keep adding the wisdom needed for hard decisions.  Seeing this is a good start to a solution, and one of the reasons I blog is to reveal to myself the positives in life.   I hope it helps you as well.
The second reason is external.  You and I both know there are selfish, aggravating people out there as well as situations that would not happen if people weren't so slack.
This is the day I had.  First, we drop our youngest off at school each morning.  To enter the parking lot and drop off, cars have to alternate.  Of course, there is one woman on a phone, who instead of stopping to let a car in front of her, followed right behind the one in front of her.  Good Grief!  Doesn't she realize that if everyone did this we would have mass chaos?
Second I pull into McDonalds and even though there are two drive thrus for you to drive around the building and get in line for, the person in front of me just pulls up and stops with the front of there car between two in line, expecting to be let in.  This also blocked the rest of us from getting into the parking lot.  Good Grief!  I had to go the wrong way on the parking lot to turn around and get in line.  Then I had to let her in since everyone else was so selfish and wouldn't!
Went to work and dealt with slow lunch service, a very difficult and challenging day at work.  So I had a great plan to overcome this.  Our friends got us tickets to a Chris Tomlin concert.  A very good time for worship.  So they have their normal announcements about no flash or video, then the concert begins.  I discover during the opening act that a solar eclipse was sitting in front of me.  This man mountain would stand to worship with the music even when everyone else sat down.  If I sat down, it blocked out the entire stage.  BUT.., at the time, he was worshipping so no big deal, right?  Down four rows on  the left, there was this short, bald guy.  HE decided that even though there was a rule about videoing, he was going to hold up his smartphone over his head (which is why is said he was short) and the screen was right in my field of view during most of the songs.  Good Grief!  I guess you could say I was struggling to get into the music.  Then the man in front of me decides this is such a good concert he needs to take a couple of hundred pictures with his flipphone and email them to all his friends, then show his wife each and every response.  So much for the worshipful experience.
I was so aggravated by circumstances, that I missed a gift from God.  This gift was so needed due to hard decisions I had to be part of and people who I cared about.  The enemy won that battle.  I have to be more conscious of what is going on and prepare my heart better.  If I am yelling at the car in front of me for going too slow, where did that come from?  

Thursday, October 14, 2010

I hate being sick!

You know, we all have to deal with feeling bad once in a while.  My challenge this time is a sinus infection, combined with the flulike symptoms of this year's flu shot.  I don't recommend getting the shot when your immune system is under attack.  Double whammy!

Funny thing about being sick, when you are a 70percenter, especially one who is trying to use it daily in your interactions.  We are allowed to be sick and feel bad, but we are not supposed to let the illness affect our relating to people!  Hey, I am human - I suspect you are also.  If we aren't careful we will let go of our feelings and we will become a negative, moving us backward instead of forward. 
You know what is wrong with this?  Being a 70percenter is not about controlling our emotions and conversations, it is about being sincerely interested in people.  Controlling our emotions and conversations means that we are at risk of falling out of control, which puts us in a position of being seen as fake or misrepresenting our interests in this person.
Our only hope is to be sincere.  Hey, would the Great Pumpkin come to your pumpkin patch?  If you are trying to be a 70%percenter, a relater/explainer role model for the wrong reasons, everyone will eventually know.  A sincere person can be down.  A sincere person can be annoyed with someone else.  A sincere person can be forgiven.  People see through us quickly.
Hey - Care about people.  You will never lose, although you might get hurt once in a while.  Believe me it is worth it.  Then you can feel miserable like me, not want to be around anyone, and not have to spend the next week apologizing.  At least I hope so.  If not, I am sorry!  Ha

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Perspective - how it is our friend and enemy in relationships

So I taught college Sunday school this week.  The topic was moral relativism.  I passed out different kinds of nails to each group of two or three and asked them not to show each other.  I told them, this is your truth. 
After that, I went to the whiteboard and asked each of them to help me draw the nail.  The discussion was interesting as each had different size heads, lengths, scoring, etc.  Finally, one of the exasperated students said, depending on our truth, the nail will look very different.  AH HA!  She got it!  So the first part of the message was that if everyone has a different truth, there is no one real truth, as everyone has their own, and they can be entirely different.
Then I took one nail, and had three different people draw it on the board.  Each time I told them it was wrong, since they drew a side view.  I then showed them the right way to draw it was looking straight at the nail point, basically two concentric circles and a dot for the point.  What I was trying to get across is that even when we have the same truth, it is viewed from our own perspective, which is based on lots of factors from our childhood and adult experiences and learning.
So, when we are explaining to others about stuff, whether they are knowledgeable or not, they are going to have a perspective.  If it is business, they will have paradigms from their past, if it is scripture, it will be affected by past learnings as well as their opinions in general. 
Perspective can hurt our attempts to explain as we find out they are seeing a completely different truth, or if they view truth from a much different point of view than we do.  That is why relating is so important as a partner to explaining.  Relating helps us discover the perspective of others.  This knowledge can impart wisdom as to whether you are even on the same page as the other person, much less the same sentence.
Relating can prevent serious interpersonal barriers from forming as others get defensive as to their position.  Relating can show us when explaining is not a good idea at the time.

It all works together!

Friday, October 8, 2010

The lesson of the 72

1 The Lord now chose seventy-two[a] other disciples and sent them ahead in pairs to all the towns and places he planned to visit. 2 These were his instructions to them: “The harvest is great, but the workers are few. So pray to the Lord who is in charge of the harvest; ask him to send more workers into his fields. 3 Now go, and remember that I am sending you out as lambs among wolves. 4 Don’t take any money with you, nor a traveler’s bag, nor an extra pair of sandals. And don’t stop to greet anyone on the road.



5 “Whenever you enter someone’s home, first say, ‘May God’s peace be on this house.’ 6 If those who live there are peaceful, the blessing will stand; if they are not, the blessing will return to you. 7 Don’t move around from home to home. Stay in one place, eating and drinking what they provide. Don’t hesitate to accept hospitality, because those who work deserve their pay.


8 “If you enter a town and it welcomes you, eat whatever is set before you. 9 Heal the sick, and tell them, ‘The Kingdom of God is near you now.’ 10 But if a town refuses to welcome you, go out into its streets and say, 11 ‘We wipe even the dust of your town from our feet to show that we have abandoned you to your fate. And know this—the Kingdom of God is near!’ 12 I assure you, even wicked Sodom will be better off than such a town on judgment day.


13 “What sorrow awaits you, Korazin and Bethsaida! For if the miracles I did in you had been done in wicked Tyre and Sidon, their people would have repented of their sins long ago, clothing themselves in burlap and throwing ashes on their heads to show their remorse. 14 Yes, Tyre and Sidon will be better off on judgment day than you. 15 And you people of Capernaum, will you be honored in heaven? No, you will go down to the place of the dead.[b]”


16 Then he said to the disciples, “Anyone who accepts your message is also accepting me. And anyone who rejects you is rejecting me. And anyone who rejects me is rejecting God, who sent me.”


17 When the seventy-two disciples returned, they joyfully reported to him, “Lord, even the demons obey us when we use your name!”

18 “Yes,” he told them, “I saw Satan fall from heaven like lightning! 19 Look, I have given you authority over all the power of the enemy, and you can walk among snakes and scorpions and crush them. Nothing will injure you. 20 But don’t rejoice because evil spirits obey you; rejoice because your names are registered in heaven.”

Pay attention to what Christ said to the disciples he sent out.  He told them basically that there were going to be those who accepted them and those who did not.  Perhaps a reference to the 70%?  In any case, you see that He told them not to lose hope due to the ones who rejected him.  He also told them to focus on those that accepted them, and to build relationships with them and explain how the Kingdom is at hand. 
For the ones who did not accept them it was going to be brief.  He told them not to waste time on them, but to quickly move on. 
 
I think sometimes we get caught up in the long term stress of trying to change the thoughts of those who reject us, and it becomes a stumbling block to us, as we keep a won/lost record.  We wont give up.  Jesus told these guys to give up fast and move on.  He would deal with the consequences.  We have to let go sometimes, so that we do not miss the opportunities that await us among the willing.
 
Does this mean we give up on witnessing to those who mean a lot to us?  Of course not, but we cannot let the challenges there discourage us with those out there we can influence.  We stay the course because we love them, not because we feel like a failure if we don't persuade them.  Sounds easy doesn't it, but when we fail with those we love, it can be devastating, can't it? 
 
Feel bad if you must, but don't quit!  The seventy-two experienced such a joy in their successes, that they came back worshiping and praising God!  HANG IN THERE! Thoughts?

You guys are killing me!

So you know this is a blog right?  Sometimes I have something interesting to say, but not often.  A lot of what is going on this blog is supposed to spur you to have some sort of reaction.  I am not here to entertain you I am here to provoke, to encourage, to challenge.  Basically to annoy you the same way this idea annoys me. 
In most if not all cases, you guys have much more clever observations on this subject of relating and explaining to different groups of people.
I need you to participate to make this worth all of you being part of the audience.  Teach me back!

Sunday, October 3, 2010

AAAAHHHHHH! Too many nice people around!

So I am at a sports conference in Chicago.  All around me are representatives from professional sports teams, and various non-profits from around the world who are looking for funding sponsors, spokespersons to talk about them in the press, and overall just some good ideas on how to use sports to impact the culture.

For the most part, the people who came together have similar presence - very nice, very talkative and interesting.  So they all find ways to meet, and to share ideas and to get to know each other better.  Remember, I am most likely to be an introvert, but try to stretch myself to talk to those who might be willing to communicate with me.  But there were too many.  I found myself closing off, seeing that they could take care of each other without me.  Wow it was so easy to back off and just watch. 

I don't know if I had anything valuable to add, but I certainly had very little motivation to try.  The self motivation needed just sank away with the people all around me getting along so well.

So I guess the short thought on this is what do I do in this situation?  I don't feel like talking, and everyone is engaged, but there are needs that my organization has that can be met by these people.  DO you think the solution is to break into the conversation groups already forming, or what?

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Faith or Fear? A teachable moment for Eli!

Sorry it has been a few days.  Been travelling a bit.

So today is the big day - my youngest son's first football game.  He is playing on the line both ways and loves it in practice.  He can take the physical side no problem, but is still learning how to give the big hit, though.  Last night he was quite tired, but got up after he went to bed to come ask me - Do you think I am going to do good tomorrow?  Wow.  What an opportunity for me to have a teachable moment, and I hope to spend some time on that this morning with him.  He cares alot about what I think, as I have come to every practice to support him when I could, and every time he makes a good play, he gives me a thumbs up and I do back.  When he gets hurt, I let him cry, but push him to get back in the game.  He is going to be a good football player.

Yet, here it is before the first game, and he is still wondering if I think he is going to do well.  Is he afraid?  Perhaps.  Doubting?  Perhaps.  Is there anything wrong with feeling this way? I hope not, because I felt the same way this week in other circumstances.

Eli is teetering on the faith versus fear border.  It is funny because there is not much difference between the two.  My friend Caz McCaslin put it this way: the definition of each of these words is the same - the belief that something you cannot see, is going to happen.   Eli cannot see the results of the game tomorrow.  Will he go to the game with the attitude of fear - I believe I am going to fail, or is he going to go with the attitude of faith - I believe I am going to do well?  The evidence from his practices says he will do well.  However, the things we cannot see but only imagine - these are the things that historically have been our fears, not our builders of faith - especially as children.  So as you can imagine, my goal is to have him approach the game with the faith that his hard work and natural abilities will provide him with success.  But even if he doesn't have success, the expectation of success is much more fulfilling than the expectation of failure.   Wish me luck.

It is interesting that this feeling does not go away for me after all these years.  After writing all these blog posts, I still had to deal with the feelings this week.  I had the opportunity to represent my company on capitol hill this week in Washington, DC, where I ended up rubbing elbows with congressmen, chiefs of staff, former professional athletes and directors of various agencies, in support of youth sports.

I had a 30% moment on the way.  I began to doubt myself, and my ability to communicate in a world so different than mine.  Surely this world is full of people who won't care to meet me, and who have no interest in meeting m, hearing what I have to say, or dare I say it - MIGHT NOT LIKE ME.   I began to doubt my abilities, and more importantly who I was as a person. 

I had to pull myself together, and I began to challenge myself as to whether I really believed this stuff about the 70% solution and how it can help me be a more effective friend and communicator.  I thought back over some of the things I had written, and began to commit to myself to put into practice on a new stage, what I have talked about.  So I chose,(note - a decision), to go with faith over fear.

I arrive at the first meeting which is a lunch.  I walk in to tables full of people I don't know.  I see a table with two African-American gentlemen and a Hispanic couple, all talking football.  Why not?  So I say, hey if this table is talking football, this is where I need to be.  They invite me to join them, and I end up having a great conversation with two former Washington Redskins players, and a director of a sports organization in Chicago.  Great lunch and got autographs for Eli.

To make a long story short, had a great visit, got invited to meetings with directors from two agencies in the future, chatted about child sports with a congressman from NC who may be a great advocate for us, walked around the Senate building and met assistants with the two South Carolina Senators, asked and was invited into several cool briefing rooms in the House building, walked around the capitol by myself, and just felt a peace that I did not expect to have.  Were there some 30% people who acted as if they could care less if I lived or died.  Yep, more than a few.  If I had approached the meetings with fear, these persons would have potentially robbed me of the joy of my meeting so many interesting people.

I hope I can convey this to Eli, and I hope it makes a difference in your life today.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

How a 30percenter goes bad!

As you know from previous posts, the 70% solution is all about letting your self esteem and communication values be based on the 70% of people who respond to you in a positive manner, rather than having your self worth be dictated by the 30% who aren't interested in relating to you, and may not want to communicate at all.  While there are many fine people who are not good communicators in the 30%, and we all find ourselves there on occasion, there are some in that group who just make all our lives more difficult.

Think about this phrase and whether you ever experience this feeling.   I DON'T CARE WHAT HAPPENS TO THE REST OF THE WORLD (INSERT PERSON, PLACE OR THING HERE), I AM GOING TO GET MINE!

We see this all the time in our culture - from the politicians who do whatever it takes to get reelected, to the financial people who make a fortune while destroying ours, to the people pushing to remove any semblance of Christianity from our country, to the person next door whose garbage spills in your yard and they leave it for you to clean up.

Our natural inclination is to resent these types of people who are hurting our piece of the world for their own selfish needs.  We believe that "our rights" are now somehow being taken advantage of by them, and we can fall into the trap of "getting ours".

When we are in the presence of these types of people, we have to realize that they can take us down to their level more easily than we can raise them up to our own unselfish, 70 percent attitude.  Be careful. it is so easy to become a ME person, and this world has enough of those.  Finding ways to turn the tide of selfishness is a long term solution, not something that will change overnight.  Our ability to relate to them in  way that models the unselfishness of Christ is crucial here.

We have been crucified with Christ, now it is no longer I but Christ who lives in me.  How can we be selfish after this sacrifice?

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

The Perils of being an Explainer

So this one might be a little long, so go get your coffee and come back...  OK now.

IN A NUTSHELL - IT IS HARD TO EXPLAIN WHAT YOU DON"T KNOW!

The challenge of trying to explain something is that you would really like to get it right most often.  Now there are exceptions, such as when your kids ask you a question about how something works and you make up an answer, and they believe you, even though you have no idea what you are saying.  I have never personally done this, but I have heard of people who have.  Or the co-worker who asks you a question about something and you know part of the answer so you go down that road while inside you are making up the rest of the answer.  Or - you may be like the umpire - often wrong but never in doubt.  That is kind of how I live my life.  Very dangerous.  Ha!

To be an effective explainer of anything, you really need to know the basics of what you are talking about.  From that point, you can bring in your own stories and opinions about a topic. But, when explaining something as a credible authority, you are really laying your reputation, as well as the future belief in what you are discussing on the line when you venture beyond your knowledge into uncharted territory.

Now, Dale Carnegie will tell you that you can talk on any subject as long as you can relate it to something you already know.  I have found this to be true time and time again, where you are asked a question about a topic, and you kind of redefine the question by personalizing your answer around what you do know.  This is a safe back up plan in a lot of circumstances.

However, the reality is, you need to know what you are talking about in many circumstances in your life.  The most significant I can think of relates to discussions about God, Jesus and the bible.  You need to know certain things so you can decide when and when not to bring them up.  For example, at the beginning of Jesus ministry in Matthew 4, he is taken into the desert where he fasts, then is tempted by the devil.  Now the devil is not going to be convinced or influenced by any arguments.  In fact, he is trying to use some compelling arguments to sway Jesus.  The bible is quick to point out that in this case, Jesus stuck exactly to the script - quoting scripture straight out of the bible that would have been available at the time, which we call the old testament.  Hey, i just noticed this - script - scripture.  Hmm.  Wonder if we have lost the significance of that because we let that become an archaic word, instead of recognizing this is a script for us.  In this case, it was for Jesus.

Another time, Jesus was being challenged by the experts in the law.  In Matthew 21, his authority is questioned.  I love his answer - he challenged them on their beliefs, and when they would not answer, neither would he.  He knew that they only wanted to try and embarrass him by out knowledging him, and he knew there was no gain by out debating them, so he took a pass.  Sometimes this is the wise choice for us as explainers.  Even though we know, we don't always win.  Pick your battles wisely.

Now, I believe that Jesus was prepared to answer any question at any time.  He spent three years with his disciples, training them by word and example, then he empowered them with the Holy Spirit, so that they would have the words to say.  Don't you wish he had done the same for us.  Hey wait a minute - we have his words and example documented for us.  We have his old testament scriptures that were the basis for many of his directions, and we have the Holy Spirit.  Wow, I guess if we have been Christians for longer than three years and we are not out there giving it a go, we are falling behind his disciples who went into the world and made us disciples.  Stop it, Chris, that hurts.  Well it hurts me, too.

Sometimes I think we won't do this because it seems so daunting to be able to learn enough to be an effective explainer.  Jesus recognized this in his disciples.  He paced his messaging to them for this reason.  He modeled over and over, and repeated the key themes.  He showed his disappointment that they did not get it faster at times, but he did not quit on them.  However, he had a point in time in sight where he know they needed to get out and do it.  He even sent them out to practice many times in his ministry.

So what does this mean to us?  You have a chance to learn before you are sent out, but if you stay in kindergarten, you are never going to reach your potential for Christ.  So, let me give you five questions to get you started on your journey to Explainer.  Finding the answers to these, as well as learning to rely on the Holy Spirit to speak through you can be very beneficial to you.

1. Why do you believe the Bible is true?  a corollary is How can you say the bible is inerrant?
2. Why do you believe that Jesus is the son of God?
3. Why is there sin in the world?  A corollary is Why do good things happen to bad people or vice versa?
4. Why do you believe there is only one way to heaven?
5. What is grace? in the biblical connotation

There are lots of bible verses, chapters, and books on these questions alone.  I will start recommending some reading you might want to investigate as well.

Here is an example of how preparing though scripture can prepare you to answer a hard question:

Why does the bible say Christians should hate homosexuals?

1. The bible does not say that.  Jesus says the second most important commandment is to love your neighbor as yourself.  If there is hate against a homosexual from a Christian, it violates this (unless of course you hate yourself, which leads to a whole other list of verses)!

2. The bible says that homosexuality is a sin.  In the old testament, punishable by death.  In the new testament, still considered a sin.  The purpose of sin in our covenant of grace through Jesus is not to condemn but to convict.  Sin shows us that we need grace - For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God!  Our sin may be different, but our need for grace is no less.  A true change from sin comes as a result of seeing clearly how it negatively affects our relationship with God, and repenting from it, not how we think others feel about it, or what we feel our rights are.

3. To be a Christian and still live a life of sin is not consistent with Scripture which says I no longer live but Christ lives in me.  Our temple of our bodies and our minds should reflect what we believe about repentance and turning to a new life.  Hey, all of us have desires that we have to control in order to be obedient.  This requires self sacrifice and self discipline.  The Holy Spirit is there for us to advise each of us, but it is an opportunity of the will to obey.

There may be more, but I am sure you are tired of reading.  I would love your feedback on this post.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Our little man made his decision

So, each of our children has made a decision to become a Christian.  It has been an interesting journey as each child has had a different way of reaching this decision.  Our youngest was the most intriguing, and it fits right in with what I have been talking about.

So he is eight years old and has been wanting to make a decision for a long time.  About a year ago, he began to show a serious interest in God and what it means to "ask Jesus into his heart".  It was an intellectual pursuit for him for a long time.  He know all the right words to say and was good at answering all the questions about what it meant to become a Christian.  He was surrounded by a wonderful group of adults and teenagers who lived lives which demonstrated what being a Christian is all about.  However, we really did not give him a chance to do anything at the time, because it was all a head thing.

He had some work to do to understand how a relationship with Christ works.  Some of the stuff that was explained to him was actually in the way, and we had to be very careful, not to let him be caught up in an act that would have been meaningless in the greater scheme of things.

Recently, we began to sense in him the maturity of thought to begin to feel what a relationship with Christ is all about.  It became more personal and less technical.  You could tell the Holy Spirit was working on him and his heart was open to receiving on faith, what he had been so anxious to receive on fact before. 

Weird, but it wasn't until the facts got out of the way that he was able to see the relationship and the value of the faith that far exceeded the knowledge.  We are so proud and excited that he made this decision, and are confident that it was all him, not something to please us or check off a box - fire insurance so to speak.

Sometimes facts can get in the way of faith.  We need to back up and let things move at God's pace.  He knows how to work though the spirit to reach those who are stuck on the details and can't feel the spirit move them.  Slow and steady wins the race sometimes.

Facts are the truth, but without faith they just make us smart.  I want to be wise, and that requires faith in what I don't know or understand.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

We lost our Matriarch

So it has been an interesting week.  My wife's grandmother passed away at the ripe old age of 95.  She was a very interesting woman, who brought us all a lot of joy throughout her life, but who for the last several years has been waiting on God to take her home.  You can tell alot about a person by the things that are written about them.  I have put two tributes below that give evidence of a life well lived.  As part of the 70%, or even as a 30percenter who strives to connect, imagine what you would like people to say about you after you have gone.

NOW - LIVE YOUR LIFE WORTHY OF THE WORDS

My Wife's tribute:  One of my best friends just crossed over into eternity yesterday. It thrills my soul for her that all her pain is gone and sin will have no trace near her. She longed to be there for a very long time and now she is free! Nanny, thank you for holding on to your faith through all those years. Your holding on kept me hol...ding on in many hard times of my life. Your smile, your humor, your walk with God, your love for my kids, our long conversations, sometimes laughing and sometimes crying, your "nanny sayings", your beautiful face, and spirit will always be in my heart. I feel truly blessed to have loved and been loved by you. You make me smile. There will come a day Nanny....I will see you again! I love you Nanny. I'll see you directly!

If you have never heard this song, listen to this version by Faith Hill

http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DVojyZW6O3I8&h=4925e









My wife's mother also wrote a special tribute:
.
The notice in the paper cannot and will not ever do justice to the woman we honor today and to the life she lived. She faced so many hardships and challenges as she reared four children. Without her not one of us would have made it. She was always so proud of each one of us and was always there for us. Even in our rebellion or when we broke her heart, she was there. She never was one to verbalize her love but in every action she told us that she loved us and accepted us just like we were and she never brought our transgressions up to us again. She was an intelligent, capable, hardworking person and she persevered under so many adversities. She achieved success in her career and was fiercely independent. She was no pushover, not for us or anyone else.


We each have different memories of her because each of us was important to her. Some are funny now that we can look back. I, for one, remember deciding that although I was an honor student, I was not going to graduate from high school without playing hooky just once. My best friend and I did just that and after bumming around all day, eating lunch at the Beacon and just feeling very smug, came home at the “regular time” to find Mom sitting on the edge of my bed asking “Where have you been?”. She caught us before we even got home!! And she had been at work all day!! My friend and I thought she not only had a mother’s “eyes in the back of her head”, we thought she was omniscient too. She took us to the school(HIGH SCHOOL) and marched us up to apologize to the principal for the lie we told to get out of school. He smiled and decided not to punish us because he knew she would handle that. Another funny memory was when Melanie and Kelly talked her into riding Space Mountain at Disney World when she was in her seventies and she was convinced they were trying to kill her so they could have the whole backseat of the car to themselves. As much as she tried when we were kids, she never learned to ride a bicycle and that’s something she always wanted to do. I can still see her as she tried to do it.

She shared our joys and fun; she loved us no matter what we did; she felt our pain and cried our tears with us but she never let us down… not ever, not once.

Proverbs 31 asks “who can find a virtuous woman” and later in the chapter these words:

25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;

she can laugh at the days to come.

26 She speaks with wisdom,

and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

27 She watches over the affairs of her household

and does not eat the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise and call her blessed;

her husband also, and he praises her:

29 "Many women do noble things,

but you surpass them all."

30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;

but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

31 Give her the reward she has earned,

and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

She has been longing for her heavenly home for a long time and I know her homecoming was a joyous one. As hard as it is for those of us left behind, she is overjoyed. She is with her Lord; she is well; she’s not in pain; she’s reunited with loved ones and I bet she can even ride a bike now.

She never had the recognition she deserved for all that she was but today I rise up and call her blessed and say “ Thank You, Mama”. We love you and we will miss you. May your rewards be great!!

Monday, September 6, 2010

So I was inspired yesterday

My pastor did a sermon yesterday, and he was talking about the story of the Good Samaritan.  I got to thinking about the example Jesus showed of how to do explaining in a compelling manner.  Yes, you can talk with facts and data, but sometimes the stories can be more effective.  You use your relating skills to tell a story that makes a more compelling argument than a fact based explanation.  The problem sometimes is that the 30percenters can tie you up in a fact based argument that will take you to a point that you no longer have the facts to convince.  Then you can get on the defensive and make things worse.

Take a look at this series of verses from Luke 10.

25 One day an expert in religious law stood up to test Jesus by asking him this question: “Teacher, what should I do to inherit eternal life?”

26 Jesus replied, “What does the law of Moses say? How do you read it?”


27 The man answered, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”[c]

28 “Right!” Jesus told him. “Do this and you will live!”


29 The man wanted to justify his actions, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”

Parable of the Good Samaritan

30 Jesus replied with a story: “A Jewish man was traveling on a trip from Jerusalem to Jericho, and he was attacked by bandits. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him up, and left him half dead beside the road.


31 “By chance a priest came along. But when he saw the man lying there, he crossed to the other side of the road and passed him by. 32 A Temple assistant[d] walked over and looked at him lying there, but he also passed by on the other side.


33 “Then a despised Samaritan came along, and when he saw the man, he felt compassion for him. 34 Going over to him, the Samaritan soothed his wounds with olive oil and wine and bandaged them. Then he put the man on his own donkey and took him to an inn, where he took care of him. 35 The next day he handed the innkeeper two silver coins,[e] telling him, ‘Take care of this man. If his bill runs higher than this, I’ll pay you the next time I’m here.’


36 “Now which of these three would you say was a neighbor to the man who was attacked by bandits?” Jesus asked.

37 The man replied, “The one who showed him mercy.”

Then Jesus said, “Yes, now go and do the same.”

The guy could not even say the word Samaritan, but he knew he was busted!  Think about your story telling ability.  Have you ever said, I can't tell stories?  Well you can tell stories about yourself all day long if you just practice, and commit to try.  And here is the cool part.  No one can argue your personal story, no matter how many facts they have.  Jesus knew what he was doing when he used this story!
 
Thoughts? 
 

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

For communicating to the 30% and 70%, we have some models in the Bible, Jesus and others

For the next few posts I am going to take a look at the way the Bible looks at Jesus's ministry, from the eyes of several different writers who were explainers or relaters or both, as well as the writings of Paul, and some of the supporting cast.

It is my assertion that Jesus Christ was the perfect blend of explaining and relating, and that he exhibits both skills throughout his ministry to both the 30% and the 70%.

Examples to be discussed include:

How Jesus Christ related to the woman at the well, which opened up the opportunity with her entire town.

How Jesus refused to engage with hypocrites, not wasting his time explaining to those who only wanted to refute and discredit.  Yet, how he was there for Nicodemus!

How Jesus was prepared to be in full explainer mode when he was tempted by Satan in the desert.  There is no relating there.

How He used parables effectively.

The sermon on the mount and how it combines relating and explaining.

How He was so capable of having such a diverse group of followers, yet relate to each one effectively, as well as prepare them for ministry, by explaining and demonstrating at a pace they could handle.

Paul -a natural explainer, as he relates in his letters.  Especially 1 Corinthians 13.

Luke - the explainer, compared to John the relater and how that influenced their writings.

Peter, David, Abraham, Barnabas and others all show how God creates in each of us natural abilities and the capability to become more than that through effort.

This might sound a little dry, but I hope to have some fun with it and add in some personal stories as well.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Amazing times when you have a weekend full of 70percenters - Eli's Birthday Trip

So Eli, my son, turned 8 this past week, so I decided to take him to Dallas so he could have his first passenger jet rides.  He has been wanting to fly for a long time, and I had been looking for a place where we could have fun (Ranger's game and Six Flags water park) and do the hotel and rental car thing.

Well if you have been reading this blog long, you know that I have made a commitment to speak to everyone I can, in search of those 70percenters who respond positively, and who are looking for or are willing to have a pleasant conversation.  In most cases, this is not a deep friendship possibility, more likely as passing of ships where each persons life is a little better from the interchange.

So we get up Saturday morning to fly to Dallas.  We get to the airport and head up to security.  The TSA agents were in a real good mood, and they were very nice to Eli - good start!  We went up stairs and bought a drink - nice guy behind the counter.  I'm feeling good about the morning.

We fly to Atlanta, with Eli just ooohing and aahhhing at the flight.  We get there and I take him to get a Pepperoni pizza for breakfast.  Don't get to that every day.  We then go to Delta's sky club.  We get some coffee and hot chocolate.  People are very courteous and Eli is good at responding to people which helps.  We get on the tram to ride to another concourse and there are several soldiers on there heading home.  Eli had several of them speak to him and wish him a great birthday.  Soldiers can be some of the most positive 70 percenters, as talking to us can make it feel like home for them if we are kind and ask good questions.  Elie did and he was rewarded with some cool conversations.

As we are walking down the jetway to the plane to Dallas, I notice the pilot just ahead of us.  I tell Eli, "there's the pilot".  Eli says, I want to be a pilot when I grow up.  At this, the pilot turns around and says so you want to be a pilot.  Eli says yes.  I tell the pilot this is his first plane trip and his birthday.  He asks if Eli can come with him.  He takes him to the cockpit where he lets him sit in the pilot seat and work the controls.  Such a cool 10 minutes.  He didn't have to do that but he was an obvious 70 percenter who responded to our friendly conversation.  The flight attendants did, too, giving Eli a whole can of Coke - "this is what I was wishing for"  He said.

We arrive in Dallas, and ride to the rental car site.  My name is not on the board so I have to go inside.  I joke, "my name is not on the board because you wanted to know Eli's favorite car was a mustang.  She laughed, and said, well you have a Camry.  I say, that is a nice car too, and is fine.  She says, so you don't want the Mustang?  She gave us the car without an upgrade fee.  I thought he was going to bust out when we arrived at the parking space and there was a brand new silver Mustang.  He could not believe it.  We get inside and it has SAT radio, so he gets 2 days of Radio Disney.  (whoopee!  Not)

We get to the hotel and the desk clerk is a young guy, who hears it is Eli's birthday trip and really makes a big deal out of it.  He helps us with directions to the Baseball game, checks us in early, and allows us to go to the pool before hours on Sunday.  Just a fund guy who likes to talk about the Rangers.

The game was awesome - real nice people around us who laughed as Eli cheered.  The room was awesome - king size bed where we could practice football moves!  He can fall down now -a trick I am an expert at.

We get up at 5 am.  Yuck.  Breakfast lady is still putting stuff out at 6:30, but stops to make Eli a waffle.  Then we head to the water park, where the crowd is slim - the lifeguards are in good moods, and joke with me and Eli about the difficulty of the rides.  Wow, he got such good attention. One lifeguard even rode a ride with us that needed three people.  Another time, a father and daughter asked to ride with us so a four person ride would be more fun.

Most of the time, I initiated the conversations.  In all cases, I was looking for chat, not a privilege.  However, the sincerity that is at the base of the 70% solution paid off for Eli.

The day ended so cool.  We got to the Dallas airport and the sky club personnel bragged about his cowboy hat so much, while moving us to an earlier flight.  On the plane, we sat next to a father of three girls.  He was in radio, and was a good Christian man who appreciates children.  This meant we had lots of cool stuff to talk about.  He was very patient with Eli, even when small bladder syndrome set in.  At the end of the flight, he pulled out a new CD and gave it to Eli for his birthday.  This man did not have to do any of this - he had his movie to watch.  But he would take off the headphones and chat up Eli frequently enough for Eli to really get into it.

We arrived home at 11:15 - exhausted and full of stories.  Eli couldn't wait to tell them and to show his mom the CD -even before he showed her his Ranger's hat.

Thanks, 70 percenters for a great weekend.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Heard a cool thought from a local preacher that fits the model

So we have a visit from Greater Spartanburg ministries at work today, and the pastor shares with us some very cool ways they present the need for the gospel to people who come in for assistance.

He talked about how many of the ten commandments people know, versus how many different brands of beer we can name.  It was funny to listen to him talk about how he gets people to face up to the reality of the 10 commandments.

Then he made a statement that rocked my world.  The ten commandments speak to the conscience not to the mind.  It is not about keeping the ten commandments - how we "score".  It is about how our inability to obey these rules given to us show us how impossible it is to save ourselves.  The fact that we sin by breaking the law is so we can see we need an advocate - a savior to restore our relationship with God.

So do we care about the law?  Yes, of course, because it shows us what God does not approve of.  Without the law we don't know.  However, we are all capable of rationalizing that we are not so bad - using our intellect to overcome our conscience.  See how it can affect your ability to share with someone?

If you have someone who is not willing to feel the pain of disobedience, and the hurt on their conscience, then the head will not see a need for help.  People who are very successful can say - well I must not be doing to bad or life wouldn't be so good.  Or someone could be so unsuccessful that their situation does not allow their conscience to exist.  It is too painful to face.

We have to be able to communicate relationally, in order to help a person see the affect of sin on their life, not try to explain it to satisfy their head knowledge needs.  A person who will only deal with the head has so many barriers to the conscience that it is a waste of your time to argue or explain!

The conscience is a great thing, and never underestimate its existence in those people around you, even the 30%.  It shows a person their need for a savior - a need you can help them fulfill.

Keep your eyes and ears and open to look for the tug of the Spirit in others, and in yourself.  Don't waste the opportunity!!!!

Monday, August 23, 2010

Don't act stupid near a blogger, especially one talking about people!

So my wife and I are at a McDonalds, and this older guy walks in to buy some food, but also to add money to his gift card.  The ladies behind the counter are Hispanic, and while they understand and communicate well, the first one did not understand his request.  He lost his temper and began criticizing her "if you don't know how to do this, you ought not to be back there", and glaring at her and the woman who came to try and help.  His last comment before he left was, I knew you could do it if you tried.

So my wife and I are sitting there fuming, and I am so tempted to go get in the guy's face.  However, there was no indication he had any self control, and I might regret it later.  We also contemplated speaking to the ladies later, but the lines were too long when we got up to leave.  So we just left it laying out there, and they had to deal with the feelings on their own.

So I have spent all this time learning how to be a more natural relater, and I wasted a valuable time to use it.  You know, we are all blessed with different abilities, and mine is not naturally mercy, but I have found by committing to communication skills that would have come in handy in this case.

I guess my natural skills at explaining would have come in handy if I had gotten in that guy's face to explain to him how not to be such a jerk.

So what should I have done?

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

What is the connection of Relating and explaining to the 70% solution?

So here's the deal.  You are going to run into a great group of people that are interested and willing to talk to you.  You will be able to initiate conversations with these different people and enjoy the results of these conversations.....IF.

The big IF - that we as those who are not natural relaters, is the ability to have an effective conversation.  We need to own how to relate through conversation in order to get to the point that we can explain something - taking the relationship deeper.  

Think back to that first date with the boy or girl you really wanted to impress.  Remember the dates that were successful.  It wasn't about what you knew or what you had - it was what you said.  I can remember ruining some great opportunities to develop a dating relationship with a nice girl by just not thinking about what I was saying.  Boy was I dumb sometimes!

Fast forward to now - I understand the value of the spoken word and facial expressions and body language as they all come together to help me relate to other people.  Hey, even over the phone I can think about it.  Once you believe in the safety of the 70%, you are more willing to take the risks associated with conversation focused on the other person.  You don't need to explain yourself until you relate to them. 

For the 70%, the ability to effectively relate is a precurser to being able to share your faith in many cases.  You need to be able to explain what you believe, not just model it, so that it can be understood, but your relational efforts carry equity in delivering your message.

Go try to be a good relater to a 70 percenter tomorrow!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Explaining the unexplainable

A friend of mine wrote something that made alot of sense to me.  God is relational.  He created us to have a relationship with Him.  Because of sin, that relationship was broken, and life is about restoration.  The biggest challenge, since God is so relational, is to communicate that to someone who is facts and data oriented.  I have several friends that struggle in that area, but nothing was more a heartbreak for me that to have my grandfather die in 1993, without revealing a decision of faith.  He was a very smart person, and we had a lot of very interesting conversations, where it was obvious that he could not feel what I was saying.

On the eve of his colon and bladder cancer surgery in September, 1991, I wrote him a letter, trying to bridge the relater-explainer divide that existed in our discussions about faith.  In the hope that if someday you find yourself in a similar situation this letter may help, I have retyped it in here.  I found it in his important papers when we were cleaning out his desk after he died.

September 3, 1991



Dear Grandad,


I hope you are doing well. Since as you can see above I am writing prior to your surgery, I have no data to tell me otherwise. Caroline is doing just fine, and now can balance herself standing up. It won’t be long until those first steps. Enclosed is our latest family portrait. I would be a good picture if they could just get me out of it.


I am very concerned about how you are going to do after this surgery or whatever it is they prescribe. I admire your attitude about having no choice in the matter, but it still concerns me. As your number one grandson, I have really enjoyed these last ten years following your last surgery. I am planning on my son getting to enjoy a little of the same. One of the biggest regrets of my adult life is that you and I cannot spend the quality time we used to spend together when I was in high school and college. Those are some of my best memories, and I get great pleasure out of sharing stories of those times with Kelly.


I am regarded as having some of the most generous grandparents among my peers, and some of them have the nerve to say you spoil me. I really appreciate all you do for me, and my life has been better as a result. I have never had to question your feelings for me and I hope you have never had to question mine.


This is not intended to be a mushy letter, or anything of this nature. However, I have been giving a lot of thought to our conversation back at your house this spring about God. It was very special to me for you to be so honest about your feelings and giving me the opportunity to try to persuade you. Even though I was unequipped to do so, I was happy that you discussed so private an issue with me.


As you reach toward your uncertain future, I would ask you to read very carefully what I have written here, because I want you to be in heaven with me when I am there, and your current views make that unlikely. We do not ever have to discuss this as I feel you were more than generous with our last discussion.


I appreciate the efforts you have put into trying to uncover the truth about God. As you put it, all I had to do was give you evidence and you would believe. I was unable to do so on your terms and did not even do a good job of trying. As I have given further thought to our discussion, it has come to me that God will not allow you to understand Him until you can change your approach. In analyzing the difference between how I can believe and you cannot, even though we are both avid intellectuals, I think it boils down to three areas.


1. Faith – I think that God asks for this more than you are currently capable of giving. This is the belief that something exists, without physical evidence. Much of what I have read and studied about God demonstrates to me that He does not reveal everything to mere mortal man. I do not think we would be capable of understanding what power it took to create a universe, regardless of what method physicists determine He used. Therefore, we are given small doses of His power, and asked to take all else on faith. However, He does not inhibit man from attaining this knowledge at the pace of technology. Some day this knowledge may be made available to us but I doubt in my or your lifetime.

The Bible was written over a period of three thousand years, by fifty-five different authors, but has remained unchanged during the last two thousand years, according to the recently discovered Dead Sea Scrolls. The Bible serves two purposes. One, it demonstrates the covenant God made with Abraham to bless His people, and how they disobeyed and paid the price. The Old Testament was written to be understood by these people and as a historical perspective on disobedience and the costs. I have no doubt that were it written today, God would allow more explanation of the origin of man, of the flood, and other events of earth’s early history that modern man can more fully understand.

The New Testament was written to chronicle God’s new covenant, accomplished through coming to earth as a man, dying in the worst manner of the day, and coming back to life enough time after death to be believable, and ascending into heaven. This is the new covenant through which God allows us to overcome the sinful lives we are inclined to, and to attain His glory in eternal life. I believe the Bible ends here for a reason. It has demonstrated to us the results of breaking a covenant, then it demonstrates His new covenant in a way most understood by people of the day. It allows us to chart our own course, but clearly lays out the consequence of a sinful life, and moreso of not believing in his new covenant, Jesus Christ.

This can only be taken on faith, as God did not allow for a lot of proof. I can only tell you that I have seen enough evidence of obedience and disobedience to Jesus Christ and the consequences of each to make a believer out of me.

2. Hope – this is what makes life worth living to me. I have great hope for the future for myself, Kelly, Caroline and for you. I believe God put me on earth to make a difference and I have the hope that one day I will fulfill my destiny on earth. In addition to my hope here on earth, I also have hope in eternal life: that is life after death. I believe there is a heaven and I know I will go there one day. Even if I was not sure I would hope there would be one. I feel that you have invested 75 great years in this life, and I just cannot believe that it would end with nothing else. If you cannot believe on faith that heaven exists, I wish you could at least hope there is one, and hope that some influence of the Holy Spirit would allow you to believe. I have hope that if you wanted it bad enough, it would happen. This is an emotion that after as many years as you have spent set on your course it would be difficult to attain, and I certainly understand how this has been difficult for you personally.

3. Love – this is the one area that is most difficult for me to address to you. I have always felt a personal love from you to me and I have always felt a very special love toward you. Neither one of us is any good at expressing it to each other verbally, but there is no question that it exists. However, outside of your feelings toward me, I have not sensed this outpouring of love to really anyone else. I know you care about my father, and about Caroline, but since Dottie, I haven’t really seen it in you for others.

You have been through a marriage that really tested your ability to love, and it may have faded over the years into something different. There is no question that you are a compassionate and caring person, and that you like very much a lot of people. But is there anyone now that you feel a special closeness with? I have been blessed with a wonderful family that overwhelms me with these feelings and it makes it easy for me to accept God’s love for me, which is demonstrated in the symbol He used of having His son die on the cross. Since I didn’t live during that time, I cannot relate to the pain of that type of death, but all I have read indicates it was the most tortuous of the time, or just about any time. I think it was chosen for the purpose of showing the depths of His love, and I feel this depth in my personal relationship with him. I know this is a difficult concept, but if you can think about how you feel when you really love someone, and can accept that God loves you, then you will be on the road to understanding why having His own son die on the cross was so effective in winning people to eternal life.


I know this is underwhelming in giving you the facts and data that would be so effective in convincing you, that to believe in God is the right thing to do. That’s just it. The Bible is full of references to how God will make it difficult for the intelligent to understand, so as to underscore the importance of faith. I hope you can understand that what I have said here is in support and acceptance of the difficulty you have had in accepting Christ on faith. I have always loved and admired you, and will always do so, regardless of your belief. My opinion of what it would take for you to believe is a mountain you may not be capable of scaling. Please don’t give up trying though, for never know when something may spark in you to give you peace for the future.


Love ,


Chris

I hate it when I mess it up

So this weekend we took my son away to school.  He is a freshman and is living on campus less than an hour away from our home. 

He is a wonderful young man, with lots of characteristics to admire.  However, planning is not one of his strong suits.  Therefore, as his father, I often have had to help him stay on task with the non-fun things in life.  I hate it because they are not fun for me either, but I feel like it is my obligation.

So we bring him up to school.  It is a very emotional time for us.  We are close to him and have invested alot into his life.  We are going to have to leave him alone, and having graduated a year early he looks a little young to be a college student.

Instead of spending the few hours we were together discussing our feelings and how we can pray for him and be there for him when he needs us, I was Mr. fact man.  I spent 3 hours reminding him of details on how to succeed.  What to do and what not to do in his dorm, things to think about for class, getting his books, not getting in trouble with the RA's etc.  Some days I am just full of details, and I was just vomiting them out all over him.

I missed the relating, because of the explaining.  He and I both lost out, and  would bet he only remembers 10% of what I shared, anyway  Because he probably turned me off halfway through the day, we both missed the value of the relating I finally got around to at the end.

I hope you can learn from this confession and not miss your own opportunity to relate to your kids.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Don't think that you can cop out and just be only a relater or explainer.

So each of us has a natural way we are.  Those of us that get along well with the 70 percenters or who think we are a 70percenter think we are more of a relater - we can build these relationships with people by just being around them and being ourselves.

Those among us who are more of the 30 percenters like to have those explainer conversations, and want to get to the point.  "Don't hug me, just make it worth my while to listen to you".

So the cop out is when we say, hey I am who I am, you just have to accept that in me.  I want people to like me for who I am so I want you just to experience me and think - wow, what a great guy.  If I don't match what you like, then that is your problem not mine.  That is a selfish point of view, when we are designed to reflect our creator, and He created everyone around us.  It is not appropriate for us to be making judgements on relationships based on our own personal preferences, if we have sold out to being a Christian, for example.

As a natural explainer, I actually had to develop the relater characteristic.  I am full of information and I am happy to share it with you.  I enjoy people who appreciate data.  I also am at a point in my life where I have a pretty decent bible knowledge, and I am happy to share that as well.

I have had to learn how to consider the feelings of the other person much more, and to modify my communications to be able to take things I consider knowledge and learn how to share in a way that is impactful to people who like to learn through relating.  I had to learn how to feel, and to be able to just be with people, not have to teach them something.  That is so hard with my kids, when I always believe I have information to make them better citizens, etc.

The same applies to those who see themselves as strong relaters.  Hey, if I can just walk a mile in your shoes, and we can connect through feelings, then I have done all I need to do.  Unfortunately, that is not all there is to relationships.  You need to be able to converse intelligently.  You need to know stuff about what is going on in the world.  You can't just model Christianity, you have to be able to explain what you believe.  Being a good relater is no excuse for not learning the details!

I have a very good friend who lives in England.  He is a very intelligent person that I respect greatly.  We have had great business discussions, talks about life, etc.  He is also an atheist.  He was very interested in talking about what I believed, and he could argue for hours refuting what I believed.  I found it a great challenge to be able to state my positions with intelligence.  This went on for years, and I realized that although I was explaining well to him, I was not relating it to my life in a meaningful way.

When I said that he was just going to have to accept that I believed on faith, and that I wished it was something he could believe but it is obviously not, he was perplexed.  He could argue with facts, but he couldn't argue with me describing my relationship and faith.  It also kept me from the futility of arguing with someone who didn't want to believe.

Jesus did that several times in his ministry.  Often when the Pharisees (the 30 percenters of his day) would challenge him on facts from scripture, he would just cut them off with a quick response - not wasting his time debating those closed to relating.  Something worth learning for us explainers and relaters.